forever&always

Although I didn’t think it would be happening so soon, I’m moving on. I wont ever regret my actions, since that would never do me any good, I’m putting them behind me. I care for you like crazy && I always will, but I’m so over the bullshit. Now, I’ve got someone that cares for me so much more than you ever did. He’s my bestfriend && I don’t know where our relationship will lead to…wherever it goes I’m ok with, as long as he’s still in my life. He has respect for me && he does’t try me like you did. That makes me so happy && we have so much respect for each other that it’s crazy! I’m so happy. <333

I’ve come to realize that every chapter in life will come as something that looks beautiful and long-lasting, but will end—despite of how much you might not want it to. Here’s a piece of advice, make the best of it! The end of the chapter may not be a Happily Ever After, hell, it could be a total disaster! But just because it ended horribly doesn’t make the whole experience bitter, so don’t think of it as a bitter chapter. Look back at the good times! Those first butterflies you got when you saw him, the cheesy smile on his face when you asked his name, the way he looked at you. Look back at the time when you knew you were his world && you were on his mind morning, noon, and night. Be happy for him when he moves on && makes someone just as happy as he made you..&& hope that girl will make him happy too. A break is definitely needed, for a certain amount of time. After that time is up, move on and be your own person! Learn more about yourself before going on to the next one. && don’t lower your standards…or make yourself easy for other guys…it’s a mistake to do that. Ahhh, I’m done. Goodnight Tumblr. 

I don’t trust so easily anymore. I don’t get attatched. && frankly, I don’t think I give a fuck anymore. These walls I had up, you tore down. Then, you helped me build them, to the point that they were up higher and stronger. && everytime you come to mind, these walls keep on getting less penetrable. I lay awake in bed wondering if this was your plan all along. I led myself to believe you were ‘different’. You knew… You knew you were going to hurt me at one point. But it was just too good in the moment, right? You have no fucking self-control. As much as I want to hate you, enough to wish onto you this hurt you inflicted, I don’t. I hope you never have to go through what you’ve put me through. It’s traumatizing! My guard is up all the time. The hurt is there to remind me everyday! FUCK YOU. && you don’t even have the decency to even call me to ask for forgiveness or to tell me you feel bad! You sicken me. You can’t say I was a bad girlfriend though. I did nothing wrong to deserve this. Even when I wasn’t okay with something, I was rational. Unlike you, I didn’t let my feelings conflict with my decisions when it came to letting you do what you like to do. But whatever, do what you do best, Run Away. Ignore Me. Pretend that I wasn’t your world at one point. Act like I don’t exist. Forget about me. Forget about Gabby. Because I’m not important enough to get an explanation. Because I’m nothing.

I swear, no person will EVER make me feel the way you make me feel. It’s irrational to give someone the power to affect you emotionally like this. You’re my reminder. My reminder that no person is worth trusting. My reminder as to why I don’t let people get close. My reminder of why I do what I do.

I thought they were gone. =( I woke up today shaking, pale, out of breath. Fuck you. The thought of you makes my stomach hurt. If only you could know what I was thinking, what I AM going through. You would be in tears hunny. But no, ignore me. It’s what you do best, right? Then you turn around and say you care, when there are no actions backing that up! It sucks when I have a nightmare like this one on a school day. Ughh! I have to make stupid excuses as to why I’m throwing up, why I’m crying so much. But I’m not crying over you! I’m crying over my mistake of trusting you. Like I’ve said many times before, if you hurt me the first time, that’s your fault. The second time, if I let you back in, is my fault. My mistake. That’s what you are. You know sure as hell that it wont happen a third time…It’s funny how you don’t care enough. For all you know I could be a cutter again. I could be getting high every day && drinking this pain away whenever. I don’t understand. How is it so easy for you to ignore me? If I wasn’t so rational, I would make sure you wouldn’t be able to ignore me like you do. I would have made your life so miserable afterwards. I DESERVE better than the shit you give me. Did you know that after I quit band for you, I wasn’t able to get back in? I quit for nothing! Band is something I LOVE. It keeps me sane. Keeps me from doing stupid things. Now I can’t join band this year OR next year! That’s what hurts the most…I hate you so much. Why the fuck did I trust you? You’re no better than any other guy! I made it seem like you were…I shouldn’t be the one hurting. You’re the one that did this to me. But then again, I was stupid enough to let you in. I don’t hate you. I was really happy when everything was fine =) So that’s at least something to be grateful about. I gave too much for you though. Serves as my reminder. Why I DONT let guys in. You reminded me that this is a game. It wasn’t real. You won. I have some respect for that. But you should at least care enough to check up. && here I though I was cold hearted. You’re even worse. So go ahead and talk to you other little girlfriends. But don’t you EVER try to pretend you care about me. If you see me, keep on being an ass hole. It’s what makes this so much easier for me…

I am who I am. Who I make myself to be. If I’m a bitch, that’s my own free will. Don’t like it? Fuck off. No one told you to stick around && let me tare you down like that. && don’t think I’ll “change” for you. If I wanted to, trust me, I would have. So I’m not going to stand here and tell you that I CAN’T, because I’m so capable of being the total oposite of who I am. You’re not important enough for me to change WHO I am to fit your wants or “needs.” Wake up hun, you’re not that fucking important. You’re just another chess peiece. Don’t you see that? It’s a game. You lost. At least leave with dignity. Accpet it! & Learn from this. =) If you give anyone a good reason to change, they will. If they say they CAN’T, it simply means they wont. See, I wont lie to you like that, I like who I am, & I’m so good at this! You’re living proof…another trophy of mine. <3  Hahh, at least you wont be forgotten hunny. hehehh. MUAHH!

leilockheart:

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You’re like:

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i wish i were this wild.

(Source: chapstick1993)